Is it really love... or just your misconception? A school-going girl once came to me for counseling, saying she could not show interest in her studies, felt lonely, and was in so much pain that she wanted to die. I asked her what the problem was that was bothering her so much. In response to my question, she started telling me this: "A boy studying in the school used to pass by me on a bike next to me every day while going to school. During festivals and on my birthday, he used to gift me chocolates. He used to wear a shirt of the same color as the dress I was wearing, and he used to smile whenever he saw me. That person who loved me so much has now stopped paying attention to me. I feel sad that I have become lonely. I am not able to show interest in studies. I don't want to live," she cried, telling me. After hearing all that, I asked the girl a question: "Is all this really love or your misconception?" The girl was surprised for a moment hearing that question. She didn't understand what to say. Then I said this to her: "Suppose any day, you are late by an hour to go home after school. Then your mother gets worried, wondering what happened to her daughter, paces around the house, and tells your father to call and find out what happened. That is a mother's love. Knowing that, your father goes to your school to find out what happened to you and why you were delayed, and inquires with the teachers. This is a father's love. Your sister or brother goes to your friends' houses, tries to find out what happened, and comforts the mother who is worried until you come home. This is sibling love. There is a reason for all of them to have love for you. A mother carried you for nine months and gave birth to you. You are a child born sharing a father's blood. You are a sibling who stood by as a companion, sharing joys and sorrows in the same house with the same parents. Therefore, all of them show love to you. But for what reason would an outsider with no relation show love to you? Actually, him riding a bike past you, him wearing the same colored clothes you wear, him smiling when he saw you—all this is not love. It is merely your delusion that it is love. Love means understanding your hardship, standing by you in such times, being able to change oneself without causing you trouble, being able to think about your future, and being able to forgive your mistakes done unknowingly. Instead, how can it be love when someone roams around you with no goal, wearing new clothes on a bike bought with parents' money? Think for a moment. If you have any health problem tomorrow, can he stay by your side in the hospital for how many ever days? Can he bear all the expenses incurred there? Can he work hard and earn money for you and to run the family? Can he make a minimal effort to bring you whatever you actually need to keep you happy? Can he see his happiness in your presence? People are just assuming that following girls in movies and social media is love. You still haven't reached the age to discern what is love and what is delusion. Until then, focus on your studies. Study well, stand in a good high position, and the day you are able to take good care of your parents who struggled for you all these days, you will understand what love is and what delusion is. Until then, do not divert your attention to other things besides studies.
*Finally, a word:* You must achieve a good job and reach an economic status where you can stand on your own feet. Then you have won. When you reach a situation where you hold out your hand to your husband asking for ten rupees to buy a bindi, you have lost. Whether your husband takes care of you and your children or is in a situation where he cannot, your success lies in achieving the financial capacity and mental stability to lead your family from the front yourself. Love is never seen in words, but in the actions of the other person. Don't look at what he said he would do for you, but see what he did. Think about what he can do.
M. Jaya Krishna Reddy
M.S. (Counselling & Psychotherapy)
Motivational Speaker
Cell: 9640 21 55 41
